Monthly Archives: June 2010

Sixty One.

Another venue, another night and it would have had a tepid response. On this night, in this room and in front of this audience it was dynamite. Continue reading

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One. (As a spectator)

M hadn’t just stuck his head over the parapet, he’d waited for a ferocious electric storm, stuck a copper rod up his arse and performed a handstand on the parapet whilst wiping his cock on a bible. Continue reading

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Sixty.

“Where’s Toby?” Continue reading

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Fifty Nine.

As soon as you start storming gigs regularly then storming a gig ceases to be quite so special. Storming a gig then just becomes you doing your job. The high of a brilliant gig becomes more and more elusive. Continue reading

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Fifty Eight.

“DON’T MENTION CARLISLE!” Continue reading

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Fifty Seven.

I ribbed Cockburn about having dodged a bullet and joked about not wanting to be her replacement. I don’t need the money that badly.

“Hi, it’s Mike Taylor. Are you free to come and open the Aspinall Arms gig tomorrow night?”

That was my voicemail the next day. I said yes. Continue reading

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Fifty Six.

“You’re a big bloke, probably proper nails when you’re on duty, but I bet you can’t wait to get home to a night with your duvet and Finding Nemo.” Continue reading

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Fifty Five.

Instead we did something radical.

We went upstairs and had a nice, sociable pint. Continue reading

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Fifty Four.

Gags that are too dated. Gags that are too vague. Gags that are needlessly cruel or offensive. Gags that are too wordy. Gags that are only funny to me. Gas that are, let’s be honest, not funny at all. In my mind I hope that one day I’ll open the floodgates and unleash them all like an army, sweeping aside everyone in my path to comedy domination. In reality they’d probably gimp out over the threshold, choke to death on their own collective tongues and then get eaten by stray cats. Continue reading

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Fifty Three.

Every four years the world’s greatest footballers and their supporters converge with the same, singular goal in mind. That goal, as any fool will know, is to do their utmost to prevent me from making a living for myself in the months of June and July. Continue reading

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